Advice To My Unborn Son by Ted Jonathan

if someone comes
to you with the truth
run

brush with baking soda
drink vodka straight
kick low
punch high
floss floss floss

find a job you don’t hate

to deter a bully
saw stickball bat
in half
hide in bushes
flash attack
mercilessly

don’t worry
pray
same shit

go to prom
escort homeliest
girl most likely to
recall it fondly

never watch sports
play
those guys
don’t know
you’re alive

any man named tim
tom
ted
who refers to himself as timmy
tommy
teddy
will steal the eyeballs
out your head and/or make
monkey love with your woman

eat no more than
2 meals a day

don’t attempt to
handicap the ponies
analyze tote board
and follow
the smart money

tip starbucks baristas
remember salvador allende
stay away from girls named la la
never command anyone to
have a nice day

treat people the way
you’d like to be treated

if all else fails
become born again or hassid

make believe
you believe
better yet
if you do

Ted Jonathan
ted jonathan 1

Ted Jonathan is a poet and short story writer. Born and raised in the Bronx, he now lives in NJ. His work has appeared in many magazines and anthologies. He’s been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Translations of his poetry have appeared in Russian magazines. His first collection Spiked Libido was published by Neukeia Press. Bones & Jokes, his most recent full-length collection of poems and short stories, has been published by NYQ Books.