I am her husband, her wife, her husband again
Zaddy, she calls me
and I am
my long fingers
the sentences he did and didn't say.
My weight
my tongue
the raw leather pinching me,
it’s all him
and isn't.
*
What needs to heal in me?
Does anything? Does fucking her
with a plastic dick, my whole fist,
mean I need to heal?
*
Since it all belongs to us
his hands heavy somewhere in the blackout
his breath my gin-brain remembering nothing.
Since it all belongs to us,
years later laughing at what we can no longer change,
then we own
all that has been taken,
even that which we’ve never been able to name.
A.M. Wild (she/they) is a queer, nonbinary writer who lives and works in New York City. Their creative work, which has appeared in The Dead Mule Society of Southern Literature, Sinister Wisdom, and Polari Journal explores queerness and what it means to exist within a traumatized body. Their first book for children featuring a nonbinary main character is forthcoming from Holt/Macmillan and they are the co-founder of Post- a digital arts journal by and for the queer community.
You can learn more about A.M. Wild at awildword.com and by following them on social media @awildword (twitter & instagram).